He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
