Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
