I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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