Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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