she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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