i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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