I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
