i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
