I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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