I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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