I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
