I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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