These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dicks are not precious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
