Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
