I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
