I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
