this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
