Jerry, you need to find god
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it hurts more in the daytime
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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