the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
