Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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