I just found puke in my bra..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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