i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
