Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
