think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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