I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
