It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
