The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
