Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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