Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
