babies were throwing up all over the place
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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