literally had 100 drinks last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
