I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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