do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
