Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
