PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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