ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
