Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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