pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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