he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
