I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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