a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
