i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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