I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
