tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
