She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
