WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
