The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
