I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
