RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
