jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
