eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
